Confessions of a Substacker
A little welcome to new subscribers!
I can already tell my dating stories brought you here, and I’m so glad. I love writing them the most (even though, yes, they do cause me pain. Lol.)
I’ve recently re-joined Bumble (on and off - mostly off) and so far, I’ve had conversations with three different men. All of them fizzled out or ghosted me. Classic. The usual waste-of-space energy I really don’t need in my life.
But hey , one day, I may find that needle in the Bumble haystack.
Will I? 😉
But in the meantime, I thought I’d share my experiences since joining Substack 10 months ago, genuinely one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.
When I first started putting pen to paper 10 months ago and posting my ramblings on Substack, it was so exciting. It only came about because a fortune teller predicted it last April, you know, the one from Dating Story Number 1, with the rickety old staircase on a rickety old boat on the Regents Canal. And then a friend told me about Substack, so here I am.
The world was my oyster. I was buzzing, my friends were buzzing, and even my work colleagues were joking that I was going to become famous and be invited to every talk show in town, with offers of turning my once-defunct (thanks to dating app burnout, now slowly resurrecting) Dating Diaries into a TV series.
Mmm… now who should play me? Kate Winslet?
It was all jokes and jest, but I had a twinkle in my eye for the first time in years.
Finding My Voice
For years, until Substack, I just existed, I was plodding along through life as a single mum, struggling with my job, struggling with my kids, struggling to pay the bills, struggling to pay the mortgage, feeling lonely and, quite frankly, my emotions were up and down. Anyone who knows me will know that I say two things have turned my life around: joining my edgy community choir (not a church one) and writing on Substack.
Early Days And Awkward Videos in Notes
In my early days on Substack, my overthinking was FERAL. First up: Notes. What even is that about? You come up with a nicely crafted little note, a catchy one you’re actually proud of… and then nothing. Nada. It just sits there, totally ignored. so you just plod along waiting for that viral moment that never comes. 😏😂😂
And then, just when you’ve accepted your fate as an invisible ghost in the Notes section, bam, you see a Note that’s gone viral for saying the most random thing ever, and you’re like… why?! So, you sneak a look at their profile to see how long they’ve been on Substack, and boom, 2 days in and 10k subscribers?! 🫣😭🤣 (Okay, maybe that’s a slight exaggeration, but you know what I mean.)
Then you get the, 'Hi, my name is xxxx, introduce yourself' Note and before you can say, Algorithm, bless me with engagement, it’s gone viral. Or the classic, 'Subscribe to me and I’ll subscribe to you', again, viral, with 100k new subscribers. (Yes, I confess I have been riding on the back of that wave, but through recommendations, not through choice.) 😂😉😉
Are recommendations real? Do people really want to subscribe to me, or have they been tricked by that confusing button when subscribing to who they REALLY want to? But oh, the relief you feel when you get a direct subscriber. Calm down Francis, don’t overthink it. 🤗 Just be grateful.
Then I started experimenting with CapCut and produced what I thought were creative, funny little videos about dating, or books, very ‘TikTok-y’. I proudly showed my daughter my creations, and she told me to STOP because she was getting second-hand embarrassment and they didn’t do that well in Notes, so that was the end of that. 😂😂😂
I tried to revive them when I got more followers, but……my daughter was right, again. Ugh.🤣
Plenty more fish in the sea here is one - judge for yourself 🫣🫣😂😂
I started noticing lots of dogs getting attention on Notes, and while I don’t have a dog, I do have a cat, so naturally, she made an appearance. To my surprise (but not hers), she quickly became more popular than me. And fair enough, she is cute, even if she is a bit of a menace.
Then came the TikTokers, with their million-and-one subscribers, and their “You guys earn money on here and kept it to yourself” attitude… Doh ………
No, we don’t earn money on here, you nincompoop! The majority of us don’t even get pledges here! But you will, ‘cos you’re famous, rich, Gen Z, and from Tik-Tokky, where everything’s all “vibes” and “mood,” while we’re over here still figuring out how to use Substack’s ever-changing features. Damn you clever genius TikTok kids.
Comparison Spirals
Then I went through a phase where every time I posted, I lost a subscriber. Occasionally, I’d gain some, which is an incredible feeling, but then I’d lose more and start wondering if someone was doing it on purpose (like an incel), just to fuck with me.🫣😬😜
Then you think, maybe they just don’t like your stuff… and that’s ok. But then, for the love of God, I think, what am I doing? Should I stop? Am I embarrassing myself? I’m not even a writer, after all, I’m a social worker.
Read Mine, Read Mine
Then you see all the amazing work being re-stacked and think:
OMG you sod, you’ve not even read mine. Read mine. Read mine! And re-stack mine! Do it, do it, now!!! 😂😂😂😉😉
So I give myself a pep talk. Real talk.
Slow and steady wins the race.
(I have no idea what race this is, but apparently I’m in it).
It’s not about subscribers.
It’s not about how many you have.
Everyone is on a different journey.
You have real, authentic subscribers.
You're doing this for fun. Remember?
I haven’t got a competitive bone in my body, so where the hell did this Substack Monster come from?
What is this creature?
But then I think, even if one person reads it (and I get a lot more than one person reading it), be grateful, be so grateful, and the Substack Monster disperses into a pulpy, mushy mess of love and gratitude.
Finding My People
Somehow, I stumbled into a little corner of Substack filled with brilliant, supportive, people and ridiculously talented writers. I don’t know how I found them, or how they found me but I did. And I feel lucky. I can name them all (and I will), because every single one of them brings something special.
They’ve made me laugh out loud, reflect deeply, and even tear up. Their creativity blows me away.
There are also a few lovely people who show up consistently with encouragement, kind words and support, it doesn’t go unnoticed, and I’m genuinely so grateful.
You’ll find everything in their work: parenting chaos and nostalgic throwbacks, wild festival tales and death-defying adventures, clever ways of explaining medicine, raw life lessons, hilarious dating stories from a male perspective, essays on Alzheimer’s, mental health reflections, ADHD realities, and beautifully written takes on art, books, food, poetry, travels, teaching, and some of the best sci-fi I’ve ever read.
It’s all here! (And yes, I’ve tagged them all so you can hover and explore their profiles.)
, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , (if I’ve missed anyone, so sorry).And I’m still here, still writing, still ranting, still oversharing, and still loving it. Over the months, I’ve definitely learned to chill a bit more, and I’ve really felt the love from the Substack community, especially when I got a bit of hate.
So I just want to say a massive thank you to EVERYONE, whether you’ve read, subscribed, restacked, hit the heart, or left a comment. Whether you’ve been here since the start or you’ve just arrived, it means more than you know. 💖
Does any of this resonate with you? I’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences, because we’re all on this amazing journey together!
Woo, first! Lovely post, Francis, and I so agree - there are some truly lovely people on here and you are one of them! Thanks for the shout out <3
Haha, the competitiveness thing is so true. I am laid back to a fault but, ooohhh I hate it when shit doesn't take off like I think it should. All the "You're doing this for you" mantras on earth don't quiet the beast.
Cracking piece Francis, thank you for the shout out.