Oh em gee. Not another! I definitely recognise this Francis but I hadn’t heard of the term before. Why do people feel the need for all these tactics? It’s exhausting. I remember that Rules book being discussed on This Morning and thinking it was a bit Mills n Boon!
Once when I came out of a long term relationship, a mate of mine bought me a copy of The Game. He's not in any way a PUA and I'm not sure what he thought I'd get out of it. It's cover to cover bullshit aside from the idea of 'flair' - a little trinket or flourish that differentiates you from the field. Maybe my pal just thought I needed that?
Really wow! Maybe he thought it was about something else 😆. I really want to read it but I think I’d just get angry 😠😂 Great re London meet up 😁 I’m on it.
I've never understood or played any of these games, I've kind of just bumbled along and tried to figure things out on the fly. Sure, I've done my fair share of overanalysing and whatnot, but never been one for the old 'wait three days' and 'leave the date after an hour no matter how well it's going'.
There's a podcast I love called 'If Books Could Kill' - the hosts tear apart what they call airport bestsellers and pop culture books. They're hilarious and it's both informative and highly entertaining - The Rules and The Game are both on their shitlist but I have yet to listen to either episode, I think I shall do so soon.
Another meetup, but without me? 😭 (I think there are one or two Substackers in Vienna but I don't know them well and one of them is a 20 year old student I think, haha, no thanks 😂)
I’m the same !!! I can’t be asked with it all ! Oohh the podcast sounds interesting, I’ll look that up, thanks. Only 2 Substackers in Vienna ? 🤣
As if I would arrange the London meet -up without you !! 😁 I was going to get you to give me potential dates of the next time you may visit your sister and work around that 😂
There might be another one or two Substackers here, and perhaps if I put out a call, more would pop up - but hey, no offence to them, I’d rather hang out with some of you lot in London or wherever 😉
Don’t wait on me - that visit to my sister was my first in 2 years, but…I am applying for a few summer jobs for July and/or August, so I might be back ☺️
I agree with Brene Francis, floodlighting is all about attention, not vulnerability. My God, you must wonder if there are any ‘normals’ left out there?! Still gunning for you…
It seems part of the over sharing culture we're living through. Men are currently being taught that the only way to deal with their inherent toxic masculinity is to act more like neurotic Middle Class Women. Like you described, it's not that men are reading these books (which makes me wonder why they're being written in the first place) but the incessant debate seeps into the culture. Add to that social media and you have a section of men who act like needy children.
Although I'm sure some play the games you're describing above. I have no idea why people do that, it's exhausting. I'm the same as you, I couldn't do it if I tried.
I think I need to figure out why I’m choosing these types of men ? The more I read I’m sure they are using manipulation tactics! But who knows ! It’s so bloody exhausting I’m so fed up 😂😂
How strange, it sounds like they’re at a point in life where they’re genuinely ready for connection. But instead of reaching out for friendship, they default to romance.
Ooooo how interesting! I never knew this was actually a thing, but having read your article I genuinely can pick out certain men I’ve known in the past who have done this!!! Will definitely be more conscious of it in future.
Me too, I just thought guys felt comfortable sharing stuff with me! But when I researched it !! It’s a manipulation tactic!! And makes so much sense, although it’s not always done on purpose!!
All sounds very familiar 🥹. It may be partly to do with people knowing you’re a social worker. When I tell people I’m a Midlife coach the same thing happens. But I’m also rescuer!
So I make rules for myself. Like pushing back on the trauma/sob stories/early disclosures with: oh that’s a bit deep for a first date let’s talk about something more cheerful (even though I hate it when people say that to me!). Or making a mental time limit in my head - this guy has just talked about himself non-stop for 10 minutes. I definitely have to jump in and talk about me!
Oh em gee. Not another! I definitely recognise this Francis but I hadn’t heard of the term before. Why do people feel the need for all these tactics? It’s exhausting. I remember that Rules book being discussed on This Morning and thinking it was a bit Mills n Boon!
Great to hear about your other meet up plans!
Oh really Faith , I never saw it discussed on TV. It’s absolutely ridiculous, who’s got time for all that manipulation!
Yes, I can’t wait to arrange a London meet up, want to help ?
Sure! Although I’m back in Edinburgh now but coming to London end of May
I was thinking to arrange it end of August early September that way people will be back from their holidays.
Great idea. I’m bound to be there then 😄
Once when I came out of a long term relationship, a mate of mine bought me a copy of The Game. He's not in any way a PUA and I'm not sure what he thought I'd get out of it. It's cover to cover bullshit aside from the idea of 'flair' - a little trinket or flourish that differentiates you from the field. Maybe my pal just thought I needed that?
London meet up - count me in!
Really wow! Maybe he thought it was about something else 😆. I really want to read it but I think I’d just get angry 😠😂 Great re London meet up 😁 I’m on it.
I've never understood or played any of these games, I've kind of just bumbled along and tried to figure things out on the fly. Sure, I've done my fair share of overanalysing and whatnot, but never been one for the old 'wait three days' and 'leave the date after an hour no matter how well it's going'.
There's a podcast I love called 'If Books Could Kill' - the hosts tear apart what they call airport bestsellers and pop culture books. They're hilarious and it's both informative and highly entertaining - The Rules and The Game are both on their shitlist but I have yet to listen to either episode, I think I shall do so soon.
Another meetup, but without me? 😭 (I think there are one or two Substackers in Vienna but I don't know them well and one of them is a 20 year old student I think, haha, no thanks 😂)
I’m the same !!! I can’t be asked with it all ! Oohh the podcast sounds interesting, I’ll look that up, thanks. Only 2 Substackers in Vienna ? 🤣
As if I would arrange the London meet -up without you !! 😁 I was going to get you to give me potential dates of the next time you may visit your sister and work around that 😂
There might be another one or two Substackers here, and perhaps if I put out a call, more would pop up - but hey, no offence to them, I’d rather hang out with some of you lot in London or wherever 😉
Don’t wait on me - that visit to my sister was my first in 2 years, but…I am applying for a few summer jobs for July and/or August, so I might be back ☺️
Ok 😊
I agree with Brene Francis, floodlighting is all about attention, not vulnerability. My God, you must wonder if there are any ‘normals’ left out there?! Still gunning for you…
Exactly Sharon !? I’m starting to doubt it , all the ‘normals’ are in relationships I reckon 🤦🏻♀️😆😆
It seems part of the over sharing culture we're living through. Men are currently being taught that the only way to deal with their inherent toxic masculinity is to act more like neurotic Middle Class Women. Like you described, it's not that men are reading these books (which makes me wonder why they're being written in the first place) but the incessant debate seeps into the culture. Add to that social media and you have a section of men who act like needy children.
Although I'm sure some play the games you're describing above. I have no idea why people do that, it's exhausting. I'm the same as you, I couldn't do it if I tried.
I think I need to figure out why I’m choosing these types of men ? The more I read I’m sure they are using manipulation tactics! But who knows ! It’s so bloody exhausting I’m so fed up 😂😂
How strange, it sounds like they’re at a point in life where they’re genuinely ready for connection. But instead of reaching out for friendship, they default to romance.
The thing is we are all looking for romance as I meet the guys on dating apps, 😳 but I just don’t get the trauma dumping ! Thanks for reading Quin.
Ooooo how interesting! I never knew this was actually a thing, but having read your article I genuinely can pick out certain men I’ve known in the past who have done this!!! Will definitely be more conscious of it in future.
Me too, I just thought guys felt comfortable sharing stuff with me! But when I researched it !! It’s a manipulation tactic!! And makes so much sense, although it’s not always done on purpose!!
All my life - all the books - all the twats
so sorry Francis F - twats are all over the shop
🤣🤣🤣 I know Cherry 🤦🏻♀️
All sounds very familiar 🥹. It may be partly to do with people knowing you’re a social worker. When I tell people I’m a Midlife coach the same thing happens. But I’m also rescuer!
So I make rules for myself. Like pushing back on the trauma/sob stories/early disclosures with: oh that’s a bit deep for a first date let’s talk about something more cheerful (even though I hate it when people say that to me!). Or making a mental time limit in my head - this guy has just talked about himself non-stop for 10 minutes. I definitely have to jump in and talk about me!
Gosh so many daters having to deal with this crap. I like your boundaries, I need to learn this and fast ! Thank you Lettice ☺️